'Dictators robbed my dictaphone'

I'm Pinochet and the power is mine,
I'll have you shot-now, get in the line,
Political 're-education'...one at a time,
They suffer at the hands of the argentine!!

I'm Polpot, head of Kmer-Rouge,
Step up in Cambodia if you want to walk in my shoes,
You've no idea how much power I yield,
look around...your in my killing field!!!!!

I'm Slobodan and I run Yugoslavia,
Wearing a balaclava,
I'm here to 'Protect and Serb'
Ethnic cleansing is my favourite verb!!!

I'm Adolf and I'm crap at art,
So for fun I ripped Jews apart,
But that was only the start,
Of the Nazi-Party!!!!

I'm Sadam and for all the laws that I passed,
and all the kurds that I gassed,
I thought that my reign of terror would last,
at least they never found my weapons stash!!

'Watching Match of the day with David'

So, Dave, do you like 'match of the day?
Suppose it doesn't matter really, either way.

So, how come you didn't declare those shares?
Oh, Linekar's talking, forget your affairs!!

Speaking of which, why did you speed up that Visa?
Was your mistress a real prick-teaser?

Fair-play, though, I bet she was fit.
You don't know, coz your eyes are shit!

Woah, see that goal by Hasselbaink?
No you didn't coz your eyesight is wank!

You've got to see it, I'll just re-wind,
Whats the point? Your fucking blind!!

Look at this foul by Robbie Savage....
Oh, you can't-your optical nerves are damaged!

Chelsea seem to score every time they attack,
you wouldn't know coz your retinas are detatched!

It's proper patchy isn't it, Man-U's pitch?!
How would you know, you cheating, bearded bitch?!

'BENEFIT FRAUD'

I fill in the forms, tick the boxes 'yes or no'

Go to the DSS, back and forth, to-and-fro,

Don't you understand that I had to leave Iraq?

I'll be shot and killed, if I go back!

Please understand that my future will be bleaker,

if you don't accept me as an asylum seeker!

"There is somthing about your claim that is rather puzzling..."

"By the way, there's two I's in Shi'ite Muslim!"

"When I processed your claim, I had my doubts..."

"Now I've got you, you've been found out!"

"I must say I'm offended and frankly appauled.."

"At your attempt to commit benefit fraud!"