'Watching Match of the day with David'

So, Dave, do you like 'match of the day?
Suppose it doesn't matter really, either way.

So, how come you didn't declare those shares?
Oh, Linekar's talking, forget your affairs!!

Speaking of which, why did you speed up that Visa?
Was your mistress a real prick-teaser?

Fair-play, though, I bet she was fit.
You don't know, coz your eyes are shit!

Woah, see that goal by Hasselbaink?
No you didn't coz your eyesight is wank!

You've got to see it, I'll just re-wind,
Whats the point? Your fucking blind!!

Look at this foul by Robbie Savage....
Oh, you can't-your optical nerves are damaged!

Chelsea seem to score every time they attack,
you wouldn't know coz your retinas are detatched!

It's proper patchy isn't it, Man-U's pitch?!
How would you know, you cheating, bearded bitch?!