National Express

I get out my ticket, wrapped up in two fiver's,
and hand it ovr to one of the glaswegan drivers,

As I step aboard I wonder whats in the offing,
the usual array of scum; swearing and caughing?

I'm overwhelmed by the smell of cheese and onion crisps,
surely there's a better way to travel than this?!

Don't get me wrong, National Express do good deals,
But you travel on a doctor's waiting room on wheels!

Scallies in trackies; downing lager and bleating,
To those who oppose them; the offer of a beating!

A woman with a child that's spluttering and wheasing,
Iinterspersed with whining and it keeps, fucking, sneezing!

It's annoying and really, fucking, boring, boring,
The bloke next to me; keeps, fucking, snoring!

Some bastard farts and it fucking wreaks!
I've got to get off, before I murder these, fucking, freaks!