Self-Deprecation

In my rhymes I have a go at everyone else,
to redress the balance I'll have a go at myself.

Wasted six years at university which is a fair while,
and I've got a haircut like a paedophile.

I'm a cripple, wrong feet so I walk funny,
my biggest problem is that I've got no money.

I'm a bit skinny and I'm really pale,
And I dress like I get my clothes at a jumble sale.

My footy team are shite and will never lift the FA Cup,
and due to morphine; I can't get my cock up.

I've got no rhythm- so I'm a shit dancer,
I smoke so much I'll probably die of cancer.

I wish I was somthing I know I'll never be,
If I was a horse; by now they'd've shot me!